So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
