mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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