matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i barfeds in our rink
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
