he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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