Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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