Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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