Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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