So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
