note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
