I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
