dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
