My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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