The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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