Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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