what if every blade of grass was a penis?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
