i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
