Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
