census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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