I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
