im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
