I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
