Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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