he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
