thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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