He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
