1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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