They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
