the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
