i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
