I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
