I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
