a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
