dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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