My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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