Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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