I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
