im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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