All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
