now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
