you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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