I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
