Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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