haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
