Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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