I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
