Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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