If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
