so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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