Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
