I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
