found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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