oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
